There have been a few things going on around work lately and then a few events going on with my family in the past few days that really have my mind churning. It takes a lot to get me upset and yet I feel upset with how I've seen some people handle themselves recently. I know that life is hard and you can't always fully put yourself in someone else's shoes, so I'm trying not to be too judgmental over some of this stuff. But at the same time I don't really see the justification for some of the behaviors that I've been privy too. In some of the cases it's just these things that have seemed to reveal such a lack of character that I'm embarrassed I didn't see it sooner. This is in reference to some work stuff, in particular. I don't know, it's hard to say much while staying vague I guess, but I just find myself a little let down by the lengths some people will go to get ahead. So many people have been so unbelievably ugly lately and I can't seem to figure out how in the world they go home that night and are at peace with themselves. There's never a justification for such blatant ugliness and hatefulness and yet I've seen it from many individuals and it just makes me sad. I can honestly say that my fondness of my community has waned greatly in the past month and that's something that really upsets me. I lived here obliviously for most of my life but once I started with the newspaper I got to go "under the hood" to what makes this city tick. And for the first time I started to believe in things like community and what a group of people can mean to one another and how they can lift each other up. And yet lately it seems like it's only the bad things that are going on. I've been forced to believe in things like unwavering hatred, unfounded lies being passed off again and again as truth, and once respected people spewing disrespect and half truths as often as needed to get their side of the story across. I'm an idealistic guy and once I buy into something I do it with my whole heart. So when I see things that make me realize that what I bought into isn't as wholesome and good as it should be it really gets to me. I feel personally wronged by the fact that these things are going on because I put my heart into the fact that I believed in them.
Really, what it comes down to, is personal responsibility. We are all responsible for the things that come out of our mouth and the actions that we do. On a perfect day it's easy to be a pretty good guy, I understand that, but lately it seems that adversity has brought out the absolute worst in people around me. Instead of rising up to challenges it's like people are stooping lower and lower to take them on. Fighting lies with lies, unfairness with unfairness and hatred with hatred. And I'm not just sitting here in judgment, I'm as flawed as anyone. I'll admit to being disappointed with myself in some ways in recent weeks. I've let these feelings fester and it's effected several aspects of my work and my happiness. But I'm saying right now, that's over. I can't change what others do and say but I can change how I react to those words and actions. I think that it's past time that everyone stand up and take responsibility for ourselves and our reactions. Because one thing is for sure, not a single person is judged to be great by how they acted on an easy, simple day where nothing went wrong. True character is revealed in the heat of a crisis and I'm not just talking about huge world shaking crisis. I'm talking about trouble at work, a conflict at home, a bad situation with a friend, common issues that we all run into on a weekly (or more) basis. It's easy to be pleased with yourself after a Saturday during which you slept in, woke up, watched some sports, went and had dinner with friends, went shopping, came home and watched a movie, and then went to bed. But how do you feel at night on a day when you run into issue after issue, a problem with a co-worker, a crisis in the family, a rift in the marriage, a moral issue in the workplace? I'd like to be able to fall asleep with the same sense of peace at the end of those days as I do on the easygoing days off. And the only way for me to do that is to consistently do what I know is right. To say to hell with the fact that most people around me seem to have thrown their character out the window, I still care about mine. I care about being able to say that I was faced with a bad situation and had a good reaction to it. That I didn't fight back against lies with lies, unfairness with unfairness or hatred with hatred. That I used truth, fairness and love as my weapons against a dark, ugly world that seems to grow dimmer and uglier with each passing day. That I carved out a positive, moral path for myself from the time I woke up until the time I fell asleep. That I carried myself as someone my mom would be proud of, my grandma would be proud of and that I can be proud of. I swear, if all of the unnamed people I've mentioned in this blog would make that same vow, take this same challenge, I think things would get better instantly. I think it'd be like waking up in a different place tomorrow.
I'm not perfect. None of us are. I'm never going to succeed one hundred percent of the time but I'm done using that as an excuse to not even try. I want to be the absolute best I can be, in my work, in my personal life, in every way, every single day. I don't care at all about others and how they go about life, I'm done letting that influence how I go about mine. All this said, it's not like life's been bad or anything for me recently. But I'm a super happy dude who loves being alive and I've noticed in the past month or so that that happiness has waned ever so slightly due to some of the things I've mentioned in this blog. I've let some people around me and their actions steal away a little bit of my joy and now that I've realized that I'm pissed off about it. I'm pissed off and I'm not going to stand for it any longer. I think that just about all of us can do a little better than we've been doing lately. So, for those loved friends and family members who have cared to read this far, I hope you'll undertake this challenge with me. Let's get back to making it a daily goal to be the absolute best version of ourselves possible. Let's challenge ourselves to make good decisions, to have positive reactions to even the most negative situations and to have compassion for others. Let's lift up those around us instead of tearing them down and let's withstand all the daily people and events that try to steal away our happiness.
Anyways, just my random stream of consciousness about something that's really been weighing on me for a few months now. It all started with some work related issues that I never really dealt with and then like I mentioned it's sort of been compounded by other recent community developments. This wasn't intended to be preachy for anyone other than myself and if you took it that way then I apologize. It's late and I just needed to get my feelings out of my head and out into the world. I hope you're all having a great weekend!
