On Thursday night my grandfather passed away. He was my dad's dad, and while his passing wasn't abrupt it was more abrupt than they thought it was going to be. They found out he was seriously ill about a month ago I guess, and the day before he passed hospice had given him two weeks to live. My dad got to spend some time with him before he went, and for that I'm glad.
I wasn't incredibly close to my grandpa, but I loved him. Everybody called him Hoot, and to be honest with you, that name was used for him so much I didn't even know what his real first name was. To me he was paw-paw, and yeah, you pronounced the w. We saw paw-paw sparingly over the years, my brother and I stayed out there for a week once when we were kids. We usually visited every Christmas, too.
The thing I remember most about paw-paw was his laugh. He was quick to laugh, and it was one of those laughs that was deeply genuine. Truthfully, I wasn't sure what to feel about his passing at first. It wasn't until today that the whole thing really hit me. It wasn't until today that I realized that I'll never hear that laugh again. That makes me profoundly sad. It was a great laugh, and the thought of it being gone from this world just really gets to me. It's a world that needs laughs like his, and the world is going to miss having his laugh in it.
Tomorrow is the funeral. Being there watching my dad have to lay his dad to rest is going to be hard. I was very young the only other time I lost a grandparent, I didn't understand so much about the profound loss my mother must have felt as she laid her mother to rest. But I get it now, and it triggers that deep fear that one day you'll be in that position. You'll be the son laying his father to rest. God willing, that's a long way off, but that doesn't mean it's not something that really weighs heavy on you at times like these.
Time just moves too fast. You don't always get to know people as well as you'd like, and eventually we all pass on. I love my family very deeply, and I loved my paw-paw, and I'm really sad that I didn't know him better, and I'm really sad that he's gone.
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I'm sorry for your loss. Death is always hard. :(
ReplyDeleteI think most people can relate to the fleeings you're having. I really sympathize with what you're going through. I've been there too many times. Losing my uncle Stephen when I was 18 was pretty hard, as we were pretty close. My father's father died back in 2007, and I hardly knew him, which bugs the hell out of me now.
ReplyDeleteWhen my mother died in 2010, I began looking into my ancestry, part curiosity and partially to cope with the loss. I don't know if you've done much of that, but it really helped me to get some perspective on life in general. I wish I'd started the research sooner, when people like my grandfather were still alive to share some stories and fill in the gaps.
Feel better soon.